when you don't understand the world around you

this is something i've been struggling with immensely for a long while but it keeps intensifying. i just do not understand how people wake up everyday and just...go on with their day without much thought to it?

i'm 28 years old, living at home with my parents. i'm chronically ill, disabled + neurodivergent. i can't work. i do not have one singular clue how to make any progress in life to better myself, my quality of life or my financial situation. not a SINGLE clue. i'm baffled how anyone gets through a day without constantly thinking "what's the point of all this" or "what should i be doing". the times i've cried in bed at night over this is mounting up.

on paper, i should have prospects. i have two university degrees. i should be doing okay. but i'm not. i'm just trying to get through each day without breaking down. my adhd means i struggle to start tasks or keep going with them. i have no friends irl, don't socialise with anyone outside of my parents irl, seem to just be misunderstood by everyone, no job ofc. i know i need help with figuring shit out but there is no help. i've done nhs therapy and it's not for that - it's for getting you semi-stable with a set model. it's not built for me.

i don't want to waste away but i am wasting away. i see others with jobs, moving in with partners, having kids, progressing, enjoying life and i just sit there with a confused look. i'm losing hope it'll ever get any better for me. i just want a good quality of life. but i'm in pain everyday and on multiple waiting lists i may never see the top of. i'm asking for help but there isn't any.

i don't understand life or how to live it or how to enjoy it. i'm just confused and i want to understand so so badly. but no one will help me understand. i spend a lot of time on my own because it's often hard to see others progress in their lives whilst i remain stagnant. i'm happy for them but i just want more for myself. there was a time in my life i didn't want to continue existing. i want to keep existing now but i'm frustrated that i'm doing all the "right" things but i'm not finding any support or help.

i just want to sell my art + have some form of a decent life. but i don't know HOW.