social isolation sucks ;w;

this post isn't going to be anything other than just getting some things off my chest in an attempt to try to help me feel less crappy!

i am a super lonely person - i spend most of my time alone or with my parents, i have 1 irl friend who lives far away + struggle to make lasting friendships. some people chose a solitary life but i don't really want that. i need my alone time but i want to be able to socialise with people. i don't want to be an afterthought or no one's first choice anymore.

i'm trying so hard to reach out to people and start socialising more but it's not working. i either get nothing back or i get very minimal back and then they stop responding anyway.

i so desperately want to understand what is wrong with me but i am drawing a blank. it seems the more i'm honest with how i'm feeling or doing less people want to know me. it sucks. if i booked out a table of 6 for a birthday meal (very hypothetical) i'd struggle to fill the seats.

how do people find these amazing connections they have? am i just broken?