hi friends + anyone else who happens across this blog,
been feeling lots of feels about lots of different things lately and i'd like to share <3
i have been classed as disabled for a long time now - in the uk being disabled is classed as having any long-term condition that has a significant impact on your life and this can include mental health conditions. so by definition i've been disabled since i guess i was diagnosed with ocd at 13 years old. but i think it's only been in recent years that i've felt accepted + "valid" in the disabled + also chronically ill community.
for a long time most of my conditions were "invisible" until my diagnoses started to change as new symptoms emerged etc. i went from having chronic mental health issues with some physical health mysteries (i.e. chronic fatigue) to having chronic mental health issues alongside new diagnoses of adhd, suspected autism, foot/ankle deformities that i hadn't known about, then someone picking up my hypermobility and then being diagnosed with hsd and now it's looking like it might even be hEDS and now also a high likelihood that i have early onset osteoarthritis in my knees/legs. tldr: it's been a WILD RIDE lol.
i've struggled immensely with undiagnosed and then late-diagnosed adhd to the point where a lot of people have given up on me - they can't be bothered to "deal with me" and my symptoms - like cancelling things, rejection sensitivity, forgetfulness etc. and i've been the loneliest i've ever been. i guess because of that since my health has declined rapidly recently i've felt on my own. of course i have friends who understand + have been there for me but there's a lot of things that have made everything so much harder.
my parents are doing their best. mum is disabled + chronically ill too and i've often felt that my health comes second. tasks i used to be semi-able to do i'm struggling very obviously with (in pain, stumbling, struggling to get up/down stairs) i'm still being asked to do without any real choice. i have to vacuum the entire house every single day, bathroom cleaned every other day. seems like maybe not a big ask but for me it is at the moment. my feet are swollen, painful and constantly throbbing. my knees can't bend properly most of the time and they crack so painfully that i wince.
i don't know how to ask for accommodations when our household is just myself + my parents. mum can't do as much and dad can't either...but neither can i. things need doing and in the order of things i'm the one to do them but my health isn't what it was. it's getting worse and worse.
i feel dismissed a lot of the time in life generally. people minimise my pain, my symptoms or just compare it to their own situation which makes me feel guilty and also like i don't matter as much.
i don't know how to make things better if i'm honest. i just am feeling invisible and needed to write it down somewhere i guess.
flynn